What is it with kids wanting hamsters? Chloe called me today, barely able to speak because she was so excited. She had spent the night at a friend's house, and found out they were giving away THREE FREE HAMSTERS. "Mom, I'm not even kidding. Three of 'em, for FREE. Plus the cage. All we'd have to pay for is the food, and that's like two dollars." My kids are now acutely aware of how much things cost since I was unemployed for seven months last year. I told her, "Absolutely not. We are not getting any more rodent pets. Don't you remember how when we had the guinea pigs?" Several years ago I let my two older girls talk me into getting two guinea pigs from someone who advertsied in the local paper, free with all their supplies. The guinea pigs seemed okay at first, pretty low maintenance. But of course no one would clean their big container; that was always left up to me. And I thought they stunk after a awhile. Then we had "The Incident." Chloe was maybe three years old, and had been told repeatedly not to pick up a guinea pig without someone there to help her. A couple times she turned into Lennie from "Of Mice and Men" and was caught stroking a guinea pig, and coming very close to saying "George, tell me about the rabbits..." One morning we woke up and it was obvious one of the guinea pigs had come to an early demise. To console my oldest daughter Frankie, I promised we'd buy her a replacement guinea pig. "Why'd Chloe have to go and kill MINE??" I shushed her and told we didn't have proof, just a sneaking suspicion. I then took her to a pet store and forked over $40 for a long haired guinea pig we named Crystal (as in Crystal Gayle). We took Crystal home and explained her name's meaning to the rest of the family. My husband took one look at the guinea pig's hyperactivity and said, "Or as in Crystal Meth."
I'm not sure how long we had them until the kids lost complete interest in them. I placed an ad in the paper, called the schools, called pet shops, even Chino Latino in Minneapolis. In case you didn't know, they serve guinea pig - it's considered a delicacy in Peru. No one wanted free guinea pigs. I called the humane society and there was a "surrender fee." I even broke down and called the Guinea Pig Rescue Association and lied and told them my kids were allergic. I was told I needed a consult from a vet and needed to go through a counseling session before I was allowed to surrender them (plus there was a fee.) I had no idea what to do. Finally my dad was over one night and said, "Just give me the pigs. I'll take care of 'em." I excitedly told my two older girls the guinea pigs were going to a farm and handed the animals to my dad in a shoe box. To this day I still don't know exactly what happened to them. I asked my dad once and he turned into Marlon Brando: "Don't ever ask what happened to the guinea pigs." Ok, then. 'Nuf said. So Frankie and Sophie, if you're reading this - we um, probably need to have a talk about "the farm."
Now I have Chloe begging and pleading for these free hamsters. Ick. I don't like little pets that look like rodents with cuter coats. She was standing in the hallway this afternoon, wearing these thigh-high boots my friend let her have for dress-up. They're basically mini-hooker boots, and she was using them to stomp her foot down and cry harder. Her fists were balled up and I did feel bad for her, but I know how this is going to end, and I don't think I can count on Marlon Brando for another "favor" like the last time...
No comments:
Post a Comment