Viva la Pubes!

"How do I confront aging? With a wonder and a terror. Yeah, I'll say that. Wonder and terror." ~ Keanu Reeves


It used to be in our 20s and 30s my friends and I would ask each other questions like, "Where'd you get those shoes? That shirt? That purse?"
Now in our 40s, our questions are more singular.
"Your skin looks great. What do you use?"
"Do you get fillers?"
"Jesus, did you get a laser treatment? Your face looks AMAZING."
Who gives a crap if our purse is Coach anymore. Our seasonal clutch can look like it's the finest of leathers, but our faces better not.
It's a funny thing, this aging business. I honestly haven't thought about it much until recently. I've been blessed with good genes and have been using moisturizer for as long as I can remember, but genetics and Olay Regenerist can only carry you so far. The rest is a result of our environment and getting older.
The other day I was at a pool party with my friends and we were talking about sleeping positions. I mentioned I was a side sleeper, but it had a cosmetic drawback.
"Like what?" my friend asked.
I held up three fingers in my cleavage, bending them and pointing toward her. "You know, like you get that pterodactyl claw mark on your chest when you wake up." My friend nodded gravely. She got it. That was never a concern for us a few years ago. And a wrinkled décolletage is about as sexy as Donald Trump in a string bikini.
You know what else wasn't a concern a few years ago? Our eyesight. Now my friends and I will discuss it like we just discovered a new sex position. "Have you gotten cheaters yet? You haven't?? Seriously, you need to. You will love them." They'll nod knowingly and I'll think to myself "No way in HELL am I getting cheaters."
But alas, my arm is no longer long enough to hold something out so I can read the small print. And that's why I found myself shopping one day and looking at a pair of animal print cheaters with rhinestones on the frames. I hurriedly paid for them and shoved them in my purse, vowing to tell no one.
Of course my kids noticed when I put them on to read. "Are you using cheaters now?"
"Yes," I told them. "And it's like a damn miracle. I should have been using these two years ago."
Unfortunately my joy at my new vision was short-lived, however. I came home from work last week and was informed by my oldest daughter that our one-year old dog destroyed a few things when he was left alone. "The dog ate your cheaters."
Great.
You know what else I notice is different when you get older? Pubic hair.
Thank god I didn't fall into the "permanently remove all traces of pubic hair" craze of the mid 2000s. Don't get me wrong... I do get a regular wax. Grown women feel about a bikini wax the same way 6 year olds feel about putting out a plate of cookies for Santa...we're not 100% sure about that upcoming evening's activities, but we really hope something good is going to happen. I just wouldn't do anything drastic like getting EVERYTHING permanently removed.
I remember about 12 years ago one of my co-workers leaned over my cube wall and said, "Hey, they're running a special at one of those laser places. You can get a two-for-one special. So like, you can get your leg hair removed and then they can do your pubic hair too. For free."
I looked at her quizzically. "I don't think that's such a good idea," I told her.
"Why not?" she asked, surprised.
"Because. Just because 'bare-as-a-Barbie-doll' is all the rage now doesn't mean it will be 10 or 20 years from now. We're all going to look like a plucked deli chicken down there when we're in the nursing home. And no one wants to see a 95 year-old's meat curtains."
She remained unconvinced. "Well, I'm getting it done. I'm never going to have to shave or wax my bikini hair again."
Well, good for her. But as you know... the trend for a visible bush is now back in vogue. I believe men (and women who love women) are no longer always interested in seeing something that resembles a toddler. They want a woman who looks like a woman. And for those of us who resisted the urge to permanently remove the bush, now we have options. We can continue to wax or shave and we can even get creative. I've heard there are women who dye it and have crazy shapes waxed into it. So if you want to color it hot pink and wax your lover's initials into it, you go girl.
But even with a trendy patch of pubic hair and blinged out cheaters, there are other signs of aging that can creep up on us. Previously I'd been obsessing over the wrinkles around my eyes. And no amount of eye cream can erase them. So unless I can find a giant clothes pin that I can attach to the back of my head and pull my facial skin super taut, I'm going to have to make peace with those wrinkles. But lately I'm learning to embrace them. They're most pronounced when I smile and laugh. And you know what? I kinda love my laugh lines. They're proof I'm having a good life. I'm finding joy and humor, and that's the best way to spend my days...even if I can't read the ingredients label on my vitamins and I don't look like a billiard ball below the waist.
Viva la laugh lines and pubes!