My husband and I were out for dinner one night and I confided to him, "Here's the deal. I'm not pregnant yet so I think I'm barren. But the good news is I've already researched international adoption and I think we should go with a baby from Colombia."
My husband finished chewing his sandwich and said, "First of all, I don't think anyone uses the term "barren" anymore, and second of all... shouldn't we give it a little longer?"
Turns out, I was already pregnant and didn't know it. Confirmed it a few days later with approximately seven home pregnancy tests.
And since I am probably the most selfish pregnant person you'll ever meet, I had all my babies in the spring because I didn't want to be pregnant in the hot summer months. I'm not kidding about the selfish part. It is mortifying to admit this, but it's the God's honest truth: when I was admitted to the hospital for my first baby, I had pre-eclampsia. I had no idea how serious it was until my friend blurted out on the phone: "Really? That's what that lady from the TV show "ER" died from."
Really? Thanks Jill.
Anyway, once we realized the seriousness of the situation I grabbed my husband's arm and said, "Now remember, if it comes down to either my life or the baby's...."
He nodded. "Yep, I know. Pick you."
"Right."
Now in all fairness, that was before I had ever given birth and still hadn't experienced that miracle of unconditional love a parent has for their child. I'd like to think my answer would be different now.
Back to the pregnancy thing... since I wanted to make sure my pregnancies were as comfortable as possible, I was pretty adamant with the fall fertility timing. As a result of that timing and the fact that I was always just one wine-cooler away from conception, I was pregnant at least part of the years of:
1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2001, 2002, 2003 and 2004.
I know, gross, right?
Also due to that timing, I'm now smack in the middle of Birthday Season. Ever since they were babies, I've almost always thrown a party for my kids. That means I'm throwing a party in March, April, May and June. I love to entertain, but kids birthday parties can be stressful. Ever have 15 kids in a Burger King Playland and have to listen to them run around and scream for an hour? I think I'd rather have a root canal.
Here's one thing I would like to outlaw: Those damn gift goody bags that we're expected to hand out. I am so tired of those things. It's become such an expectation now with party-goers that I've had more than one child come up to me at a birthday party and ask, "When do we get our goody bags?"
I'm always amazed that gumballs and silly putty provide that much gratification, but who am I to judge? I still get excited if I get free peanuts on an airplane.
Some parents tell me they quit throwing birthday parties once their kids reach a certain age. I wish I could do that. What I've done the last year or two is give them an option to invite one or two friends to a certain event or destination, like the Mall of America or a cosmetology school to get mini makeovers.
I just feel like they're little for such a short period of time.... it won't be too long before they have to worry about real jobs, property taxes and mortgages. At the risk of being a coddling mama, is it so wrong to want them to always feel like their birthday is special? I still remember waking up on the morning of my birthdays and smiling, just because it was my birthday. I want my kids to feel like that, too.
Going through my parents' photo album, I did find a picture of either my 10th or 11th birthday party. My cousins were all trying to capture me to give me a birthday spanking, and I was terrified. It was like a scene out of "Lord of the Flies." One cousin was choking me, one cousin was spanking me, and my brother was holding a leather belt - while laughing.
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