About a month ago I was sound asleep in my bed when the bedroom door flew open. I struggled to open my eyes against the light from the hallway. I could make out the outline of one of my teen daughters.
I sat up. "What's going on?"
Middle of the night interruptions usually can be lumped into a few categories for parents with children: Someone has either puked, wet the bed or had a bad dream.
In this case, it was new territory: my daughter was going through the double whammy of not only one of her first broken hearts, but also the betrayal of a former friend.
My daughter knelt down by the side of my bed and between sobs, told me what happened. I felt so bad for her. I struggled with not only the correct words I should be saying, but also with what I should not be saying as well.
I had a feeling that if I told her, "Boys are like buses, a new one comes along every 15 minutes..." it would not go over well.
After a few minutes she moved closer to my bed and laid her head down next to me. In between her spilling out her story between tears, she took deep breaths and closed her eyes.
I, on the other hand, was as tense as a hunter in the woods on opening day.
Because right in front of me I had something as rare as a wild animal rarely seen by regular people: a heartbroken teenage daughter coming to her mother for advice.
I rubbed her back slowly, careful not to spook her lest she growl, bare her teeth and slink back into the woods.
At that moment my son sat up next to me in bed, "Could you two please be quiet? I'm trying to sleep and all this crying and talking is hurting my ears."
I turned to him in amazement. I didn't even know he had crawled into bed with me. "How long have you been here?" He muttered something in reply and fell right back asleep.
My daughter stood up. "I'm going back to bed, too. Thanks Mom. I love you."
And with that, the wild animal went back to her den, licking her wounds.
I lay there wondering if I said what I should... Did I give her the right advice? Did I say the right things, or most importantly - did I bite my tongue and hold back things I really wanted to say but didn't?
This dating navigation is tricky. But here's the beauty of dating in your 40s compared to your teen years or 20s - your self confidence is way higher and the jokers you run into on some dates don't last nearly as long.
So to my beautiful, kind and loving daughters, let me offer you some advice based on dates I have had this last year. May it save you some heartache, angst and stress:
~ Avoid men who classify either all their ex-girlfriends or ex-wives as psycho. Those women can't possibly all be nuts. The common denominator is usually him. And usually by the third date this will be revealed.
~ Dating a guy with tattoos is fine. However, if you notice "Lock" and "Load" tattooed across his fingers so they're displayed when he's making a fist, it usually indicates he loves his guns. Especially when he brags about his conceal and carry permit. Bad boys can be intoxicating, but they tend to make more bad choices than you realize.
~ Remember, the opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy. So if the guy is constantly bitching about how much he can't stand his ex, it usually means he's not completely over her yet.
~ Never underestimate the importance of your beau knowing the value of hard work. If they are continually bemoaning working for "the man" or in-between jobs, then you are going to be paying for a lot of the dates yourself.
~ If your date says he's an entrepreneur, that means he is usually between jobs quite a bit.
~ If your date says he's a personal trainer, it usually means he offers unsolicited advice to others at his gym. He most likely annoys a lot of people.
~ Recognize the importance of your date asking questions about you and wanting to know about you. It shouldn't be all about him. He should be just as interested in learning about what makes you tick as you are about him.
~ Remember that texting should not replace actual conversations. I know that's a hard concept to fathom in your generation, but I recently wasted ten minutes trying to figure out that one text I received 'WYD'? actually meant "What're you doing?" At least I hope it meant that and not WHAT you doin'? Dear god, that's a whole separate grammar issue then...
~ And finally, based on a date I had last night: If your date shows up drunk, and on a bicycle, cut your losses and head home early.
No comments:
Post a Comment