I really shouldn't be surprised any more by the stuff that comes out of my kids' mouths. I mean truly, I shouldn't. I wanted these independent little spirits with feisty personalities and oh lord, did I get 'em.
There are times, though, that I wish they wouldn't say what they did. Especially when we're in public and I have to witness someone else's expression. The other person's expression is usually a cross between humor, mortification, and how-exactly-are-you-being-raised-at-home look.
Sometimes my kids will blurt out things in public and they make me laugh.
Other times they say things and I'm slightly horrified, because I'm in a situation where I'm not fast enough to clamp my hand over their little motor mouths.
A few years ago I took my kids with me to get my nails done. My daughters were excitedly sitting down and getting polish put on their own nails. I was a few tables down and would occasionally glance toward them to make sure they weren't being fidgety and a nuisance.
I figured they'd be so enthralled by the manicure process that they would be rendered speechless.
Boy, was I wrong.
After a few minutes I heard one of the women ask my daughter what her name was. My daughter, who was about 6 at the time, said, "Chloe."
The nail tech, who was Vietnamese, smiled and repeated her name.
Apparently she didn't pronounce it to my daughter's liking, because the next thing I knew, I heard this indignant 6 year old's voice boom across the salon:
"It's not CROEY, it's Ca-LO-EE. With an L. That's how you're supposed to pronounce it. You should learn how to say it right."
I wanted to lay my head down at the table and close my eyes, but all of the nail tech workers just laughed.
Not too much longer my son, who was around 4 at the time, was wandering around and waiting until we were all done. He sauntered up next to a man who was working there, and looked at him, apparently sizing up his nationality.
"What are you, like from China or something like that?" Wyatt asked him.
The man tried not to laugh and patted Wyatt's head. "We're from a country called Vietnam, son."
Wyatt shrugged. "Whatever. Never heard of it."
Fast forward a couple years. My kids are still attempting to learn the careful balance of tact in conversations.
But then, aren't we all?
Last weekend I took them school clothes shopping and Wyatt pushed the cart around the store like he was in a demolition derby. Racks of clothes were collided into, other shopper's heels were pushed into... It was all I could do to hold on to the cart with one hand, and throw a pack of socks into the cart with the other.
Finally I leaned down and faced him. "Wyatt, stop. You have to be considerate of other people. Be kind, think of their feelings." I didn't think it sunk in.
I was wrong.
A couple hours later we were at a Chinese buffet for dinner. As we were standing in line, ready to fill our plates, I overheard my son tell the waitress "Hey, sorry you guys lost the Olympics."
I hurriedly put another egg roll on my plate and sat down.
Maybe no one would know he was mine.
But hey, at least he was trying to be considerate of others. At least he didn't flash the peace sign in front of his chest and say, "And not to mention we kicked your ass in the medal count, too!"
I really, really want my kids to learn compassion and tact and grow into empathetic, responsible adults. Sometimes when they say things I get worried. Plenty of thoughts run through my head: Why do they say that stuff? How is their brain working? Are they not afraid of any consequences whatsoever?
About a week ago I got to spend a wonderful night with a bunch of girls I went to college with more than 20 years ago. These are women that I might go a year or two, maybe more, without connecting. But when we are lucky enough to spend uninterrupted time together, it's like a comedy show on steroids.
Now keep in mind, these are grown professional women. There are seven bachelors degrees between us, maybe a graduate degree or two, and at least 16 children. We work in all facets of the corporate world.
But get us all together, pour us each a cocktail or two, and it's no holds barred.
"Hey, remember when we were driving home from that party and you collided with a bicyclist? He actually rolled over the hood of your car and you got out and yelled at him, and told him he should stay out of the road? He actually felt bad about it, too!"
"Hey, remember when our parakeets died while your boyfriend was supposed to watch them over Christmas break, and the guys in the fraternity house spent the next two weeks playing practical jokes with them? They'd lay a dead bird in someone's bed, or put one of the birds in someone's cereal box..."
"Hey, remember when..."
We laughed all night long.
Over and over we kept shaking our heads, wiping away the tears from laughing and saying, "I can't believe we did that. I can't believe we actually said that."
There was a point when I first knew them, that I was shocked by what they would say and what they would do. I remember thinking at times back in college, "Boy these girls aren't afraid of anything. They'll say whatever they want." Don't get me wrong; I was no angel. It was like I met these women and found kindred soul mates.
But you know what? I looked around and these women all turned out pretty damn good. I'm sure they all had mothers who at one time or another would just shudder at the words and actions that came from their children.
History is full of parents who throughout the centuries shake their heads and cringe.
I look at my kids now and all of their distinctive little personalities. I smile when I think of their senses of humor, their willingness to make themselves look goofy in public, their refusal to be muzzled...
Yep, my kids are going to be just fine.
I wouldn't want them any other way.
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