"What a drag it is, getting old..."

"After age 40, it's all about pluggin' holes in the boat." ~ George Clooney

I remember shortly after I graduated college, I was talking to my aunt Bonnie. I mentioned that I was still waiting to feel like a "grown-up."
She laughed. "You're never going to feel like an official adult. I still feel like I'm an 18 year old on the inside, with just a ton of life experiences."
True dat.
Sometimes I can't believe I'm living the life of an actual adult. I'm almost in suspended disbelief that no one has jumped out from the curtain (think Wizard of Oz) and exposed me. "She's not a real grown-up! She's faking it!"
When my first baby was born, the nurses handed me a chart and instructed me to document every time she pooped or peed. Several hours later a nurse checked the chart and said, "You didn't mark down how much she ate?"
I was surprised. "No one told me I was supposed to feed her! She's been sleeping the whole time. Aren't we supposed to let sleeping babies sleep??!"
Apparently not. Lesson learned. I still can't believe the nurses let us take her home with us.
But even though I still feel 18 on the inside, my body screams otherwise.
I feel like I've been blessed with some pretty good skin, so the beginning of wrinkles and laugh lines don't bother me as much as I thought they would. I'm a little perturbed with the parenthesis forming around my mouth, though. And once I turned 35 my forehead declared, "Either bangs or Botox. You choose."
I chose bangs.
Yesterday I went to a sports doctor to finally deal with years of back pain. He took one look at my x-rays and said, "I can see now why you're in a lot of pain. You have degenerative disc disease."
"What?" I asked him. "I don't think that's right. That sounds like something old people have."
He raised an eyebrow. "Well, your chart does say you're 42."
Ugh.
He gave me instructions on what I should be doing when I work out, and a name of a clinic that can help with physical therapy.
I promptly called my personal trainer, The Tin Man, and told him about my appointment. "And my doctor also said I should concentrate on my core muscles for stability. And I shouldn't do things that hurt my back. So maybe you should take it easy on me... and maybe even buy me a candy bar?"
The Tin Man wasn't buying it.
Oh well, at least I tried.
One of the benefits of getting older is all the great ideas we (think we) have now.
At my recent annual exam, I told my gynecologist: "Have you ever thought about putting a flat screen up on  your ceiling for your patients?"
"Um, no, I haven't."
"Really?" I continued. "At the very least, you should think about selling ad space. Talk about a captive audience. You could have these businesses advertising specials for bikini waxes and things like that..."
I don't think he was paying a lot of attention because he just nodded and asked me to "Scoot down please."
All in all, when I think about the hands of time, I can handle all of the creaks and pops and wrinkles and saggy butt cheeks. Because along with all of that comes wisdom, education and confidence.
And those traits, I believe, are the most attractive of all.