The other night I was talking to my two oldest daughters when one of them casually mentioned their dad had a date.
"Oh really?" I asked. "That's nice. Good for him."
They looked at me skeptically, and I knew they were wrestling with some feelings.
"Well..." asked one of them. "What if we meet her and she tries to be our mom or something like that?"
I smiled. "You guys already have a mother. No one's going to waltz in and try to take over my role. All I ask is that if your dad does introduce you to someone that you have an open mind and show her some respect. Because some day I might meet someone and introduce you to him."
They laughed. Then they realized I was serious.
"You mean there are people that want to date you?" one asked incredulously.
I stared at them for a beat. "Shocking, I know."
I don't think there is a more humbling demographic of children than teenage daughters. Just when you start to feel even a sliver of self-confidence, they will give you a quick appraisal and blurt out, "Oh god, Mom... you're not going to wear that to the store, are you?"
Putting my toe back into the dating pool after all these years has been an eye-opener, to put it mildly. I am not kidding when I say I haven't had to worry about dating since before Vanilla Ice had a number one hit.
Things have really, really changed.
Now internet dating is completely acceptable. At least to most people. I still run into friends or relatives that give me a look and say, "Oh, you don't need to do that. You're not desperate. Find someone the old fashioned way."
And how, pray tell, am I supposed to do that?
I work 40 hours a week.
I have 4 kids that I co-parent.
I have a 45 minute commute each way.
I think internet dating is fantastic. One of my friends described it as shopping. "Seriously," she told me. "Pour yourself a glass of wine and start putting your favorite items into your checkout cart."
The last time I dated, in the 80s, there was no texting. You had to give someone your home number and hoped to god you answered the phone instead of your dad. Or worse, your younger brother.
Now, you can have full-blown relationships just by texting. And my generation missed the entire sexting thing. It's not just a teenage activity. I've been a little shocked by how bold some of my dates have been. The anonymous nature of hiding behind a phone must give people unbelievable courage. After a couple dates with one guy, he started sending me a deluge of unbelievably vulgar, x-rated texts of what he wanted to do the next time I saw him. I was horrified. And those that know me, know I am rarely shocked by stuff like that. But this guy's texts made me want to go on antibiotics immediately.
After I read his last message, I simply responded: "U must have me mistaken for an eastern European hooker."
I never heard from him again.
This morning in church my daughter leaned over and whispered, "Mom, when you go on dates, do they want to kiss you sometimes?"
I nodded.
Her face screwed up, like she had just swallowed expired milk. "Like on the mouth??!"
I rolled my eyes and pointed to the pastor, and indicated she should just be quiet and pay attention.
After church, she brought it up again. "So what do you do when they try to kiss you?"
I put out my arm, like the guy on the Heisman trophy. "I hold my arm like this, to keep them away. And I always leave room for the Holy Spirit."
"WhatEVER Mom..."
So this next phase of my life should be interesting to say the least. As much as it completely astounds my children, adults in their 40s DO date. And some are even wildly successful.
I just need to make sure I trust my instinct and not cringe when my kids give me their "honest feedback."
Because the next time I hear "Who do you think will ever ask you out?"... some heads are gonna roll.
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