Champagne, Sequins and Resolutions

"Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right." ~ Oprah Winfrey

Ever since I can remember, New Years Eve has always been one of my most favorite nights. One time in the early 80's I spent New Years Eve at my cousin Chanda's house, and we burned up the phone lines to KDWB and begged them to play "Mickey" at the stroke of midnight. When they actually did, we jumped up and down screaming, convinced we had altered the history of pop culture somehow. There we were, surrounded by balloons and our card games, with smug smiles on our faces. Damn, we knew how to party.
Fast forward several years and I still love everything this night brings.
Just going through the racks at the stores, looking at all the sequined shirts, blinged out jewelry and accessories gives me chills. It's one of the few nights of the year that my alter ego "Excess Vaness" can wear the glitz to her hearts content.
I think another reason why I love tonight so much is the fact that tomorrow brings a whole new year, a brand new beginning. We can all start anew. Whether we keep our resolutions or not, just making them can  fill us with hope.
In the past, I've done all the typical resolutions...
Lose weight
Join a gym
Eat more vegetables
Yell at my kids less
And truth be told, those resolutions were usually squashed by the second week of January.
This year, I am going to declare more meaningful resolutions. I'm going to work hard at things that might hopefully have a chance at lasting longer than Ground Hog's Day.
I am going to bake with more butter and less margarine.
I am going to try and not swear on the same days I go to church.
I am going to have dinner with my grandma Tillie at least once a month.
When I'm with my kids, I'm going to be with my kids. I'll let them teach me how to play some of their board games and video games.
I'm going to read more of what the Republicans say. I already know what my side, the lefties, have to say.
I'm going to do at least two crazy activities with my dad.
I'm going to learn to cook some of my mom's recipes.
I'm going to try and curb my tendencies to hold up my daughters' bras and call them little slingshots. At least in front of their friends.
I'm going to make sure my friends know how much they mean to me.
And most importantly, I'm going to enjoy what life has to throw my way. Because that's what it's all about, right? Getting a good story out of it.
So cheers to you, and cheers to us. And as Oprah says, here's to another chance at getting it right.

The Price of Christmas Happiness

"Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don't quite know how to put our love into words."
~Harlan Miller


This is it. We're in the final stretch until the the Big Day. You know what day I'm talking about. The day that makes our kids turn into complete crazy, they've-lost-their-mind, foolish beasts.
When all they can do is the slow walk past the Christmas tree, giving calculating glances toward the loot piling up.
All while twiddling their fingers as they plot on how to successfully get permission to open a gift early.
For our children, it's a simple example of tunnel vision. They're focused on one thing and one thing only...
How do they get to open those darn gifts under the tree.
At some point, maybe during the transition into adulthood, we lost that sole purpose of Christmas. We quit reveling in the miracle of all our traditions, our family get-togethers and of course - the anticipation of presents.
Now its a matter of making sure our wallet stays full and open, as we watch the dollar bills just fly out of there.
"Mom, I have a gift exchange at school..."
"Don't forget my teacher's gift..."
"It's time for secret Santa...."
"Hey, should we all draw names for a neighborhood gift exchange?"
"Remember you signed up for the cookie exchange and need to bring 11 dozen kinds of cookies, preferably in 11 different decorated tins."
Huh?
I think as adults we can all remember that one incredible gift we got one year, and how we never, ever forgot it. The one gift that made every thing right in the world. Like when Ralphie got his Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. I got a gift like that one year; they were called White Leather Nikes with the Red Swoosh. I can still remember how happy I was when I opened that box.
As parents, we all would love to be able to present our children with that one perfect gift. But how do we do that while not making ourselves broke, and instilling a sense of gratitude and wonder in them?
How do we teach them to be gracious when they turn into "I want I want I want" little maniacs every time we pass a Nintendo display at Target?
Is there a special secret to getting them to be just as grateful when they get a $5 book as they would if they were to receive a $300 gaming system?
I suppose it's up to us as the parents. And my wishes for them are pretty simple...
I want them to feel gratitude with simple things.
I want them to know love.
I want them to understand life's greatest gifts cannot be wrapped with a bow.
I want them to feel that even though they get in fist fights and hair pulling wrestling matches with their siblings, no one on this earth will have their back like a sister or a brother.
I want them to look forward more to our family traditions on the holidays - like bowling and Chinese food - than to what's underneath the tree on Christmas morning.
And finally, I want them to keep a light heart and find humor in everything, even during the holidays. Because we all know how stressful this time of year can be, especially when we want everything to be perfect.
And let's face it... if Mary can smooth things over with Joseph and that whole virginal birth thing, I think the rest of us can survive most anything.

Divorce, Dating, and Humble Pie

"Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck. If you survive, you start looking very carefully to the right and to the left." Anonymous

The other night I was talking to my two oldest daughters when one of them casually mentioned their dad had a date.
"Oh really?" I asked. "That's nice. Good for him."
They looked at me skeptically, and I knew they were wrestling with some feelings.
"Well..." asked one of them. "What if we meet her and she tries to be our mom or something like that?"
I smiled. "You guys already have a mother. No one's going to waltz in and try to take over my role. All I ask is that if your dad does introduce you to someone that you have an open mind and show her some respect. Because some day I might meet someone and introduce you to him."
They laughed. Then they realized I was serious.
"You mean there are people that want to date you?" one asked incredulously.
I stared at them for a beat. "Shocking, I know."
I don't think there is a more humbling demographic of children than teenage daughters. Just when you start to feel even a sliver of self-confidence, they will give you a quick appraisal and blurt out, "Oh god, Mom... you're not going to wear that to the store, are you?"
Putting my toe back into the dating pool after all these years has been an eye-opener, to put it mildly. I am not kidding when I say I haven't had to worry about dating since before Vanilla Ice had a number one hit.
Things have really, really changed.
Now internet dating is completely acceptable. At least to most people. I still run into friends or relatives that give me a look and say, "Oh, you don't need to do that. You're not desperate. Find someone the old fashioned way."
And how, pray tell, am I supposed to do that?
I work 40 hours a week.
I have 4 kids that I co-parent.
I have a 45 minute commute each way.
I think internet dating is fantastic. One of my friends described it as shopping. "Seriously," she told me. "Pour yourself a glass of wine and start putting your favorite items into your checkout cart."
The last time I dated, in the 80s, there was no texting. You had to give someone your home number and hoped to god you answered the phone instead of your dad. Or worse, your younger brother.
Now, you can have full-blown relationships just by texting. And my generation missed the entire sexting thing. It's not just a teenage activity. I've been a little shocked by how bold some of my dates have been. The anonymous nature of hiding behind a phone must give people unbelievable courage. After a couple dates with one guy, he started sending me a deluge of unbelievably vulgar, x-rated texts of what he wanted to do the next time I saw him. I was horrified. And those that know me, know I am rarely shocked by stuff like that. But this guy's texts made me want to go on antibiotics immediately.
After I read his last message, I simply responded: "U must have me mistaken for an eastern European hooker."
I never heard from him again.
This morning in church my daughter leaned over and whispered, "Mom, when you go on dates, do they want to kiss you sometimes?"
I nodded.
Her face screwed up, like she had just swallowed expired milk. "Like on the mouth??!"
I rolled my eyes and pointed to the pastor, and indicated she should just be quiet and pay attention.
After church, she brought it up again. "So what do you do when they try to kiss you?"
I put out my arm, like the guy on the Heisman trophy. "I hold my arm like this, to keep them away. And I always leave room for the Holy Spirit."
"WhatEVER Mom..."
So this next phase of my life should be interesting to say the least. As much as it completely astounds my children, adults in their 40s DO date. And some are even wildly successful.
I just need to make sure I trust my instinct and not cringe when my kids give me their "honest feedback."
Because the next time I hear "Who do you think will ever ask you out?"... some heads are gonna roll.