Corn-fed and Proud of It

So Kirstie Alley manages to lose a staggering 100 pounds and announces she's down to a size 4 and what happens? Tim Gunn has to immediately go on the offensive and declare (and I'm paraphrasing): "There's no way Kirstie Alley is a size 4. That's vanity sizing. Truthfully she's more likely a size 8 or 10."
For crying out loud, can't we just let Kirstie have her moment in the spotlight and bask in the fact she doesn't have to wear elastic waist pants anymore? Why does the media have to immediately pounce on the metrics of all of this?
It's no wonder the majority of women have body issues with their weight. Every time a celebrity has a baby they have to go into hiding for fear some tabloid is going to snap a picture of them at the grocery store wearing a velour track suit and stockpiling cans of Slimfast.
Oh wait...maybe that was me after my pregnancies. Never mind.
But the tabloids are very quick to proudly display "New post-baby body for Mariah!" or "Heidi Klum back on the runway only 6 weeks after giving birth!"
Seriously, the majority of women still haven't shaved their legs six weeks after delivery, much less attempted to put on a bikini.
Then someone like Kirstie Alley bravely announces what she's done and how much better she's eating and how much more she's exercising and some skinny little man who's mainly famous for knocking on other people's fashion choices has to immediately discount what she's said.
With all that said, it's much easier for me to talk the talk than to walk the walk.
I'm going shopping with my friend Nicole this weekend because she wants to find some boots. I'm a size 9 and she's a size 10 so lots of times we will buy a 9 1/2 so we can share. Not this time, however.
"Vanessa," she told me. "I'm really having a hard time finding boots because the bigger size is too baggy on my calves."
Oh Jesus. I never have that problem. My calves look like they belong to a Romanian gymnast. I like to say it's not even a cankles issue... I prefer to describe them as "thalves." Meaning, my thighs streamline right down to my calves.
I don't think it's in my genetic makeup to ever be a size 4. Or a 6 or whatever Mr Gunn denounces it is. Currently my goal is to start training for a 5k so I can slide on a pair of absolutely ghetto-fabulous Apple Bottom jeans I bought off of eBay last year.
About 5 years ago I went to Connecticut to visit my friend Jane. We were visiting shops in some tony little town where Paul Newman and Martha Stewart used to live. After about the third store we walked into, I realized I was bigger than every single woman I had come across. I turned to Jane and said, "Wow. Not one single corn-fed girl in the bunch." She laughed and replied, "That's because the Connecticut housewives diet consists of nothing but Starbucks and cigarettes."
No thanks. Bring on the butter... and ladies ~ let's embrace our curves!