A. sleep through the night
B. feed themselves
C. keep themselves occupied for more than a 90 second stretch of time.
and so on...
I was very careful to cherish those newborn and baby moments too, because I know how fleeting that is. I have spent countless hours rocking them to sleep because that is something that always brought me incredible joy. I knew it wouldn't last long.
And it sure hasn't.
Before I knew it they were walking and talking and popping their own Cheerios in their mouth. They made their own friends and kept their own little secrets. Sure, I was able to sometimes even get a full 8 hours of sleep a night, but I didn't have 4 little instant snuggle partners on the couch each night either.
Last Monday when we were all celebrating the 4th of July up at the lake, I was amazed that my kids were able to keep themselves incredibly busy all day long. They got their own plates of food, they found their own activities to do and they played themselves into exhaustion. Aside from my sunscreen patrol and occasional breaking up an argument between the kids over a water toy, I was left to enjoy the day with family and friends. When the fireworks were about to start, I felt a tinge of sadness. Every year for the past 14 years, I'd had at least one child on my lap while we watch the sky light up. It's okay, I told myself. Your kids are having a blast, it's not just about what YOU want.
Then, out of the near darkness, Wyatt was walking next to me and slipped a sticky hand in mine. He looked up at me and asked, "Ready to watch the fireworks together Mama?"
Sweet little boy... of course I am.
So I'm becoming acutely aware of the trade offs in having your kids independent enough to do things on their own. It means you might not always have someone there to rock to sleep or share a yogurt. They all grow up, though. It's part of life. What I've been struggling with lately is watching my kids, especially my daughters, try to grow up as fast as possible.
A few days ago I was on the computer and noticed that my 9 year old daughter Chloe was a "fan" of the dating site Zoosk on Facebook. I clicked on the link for the site and I was directed to the homepage of the site and a message: Welcome Back Lola.
That's my nickname for her.
I felt a headache instantly coming on. "Chloe Louise! Come over here."
She hesitantly walked over to me. Apparently something in my voice convinced her I wasn't happy.
"Did you sign up for a dating website?" I asked her.
She slowly nodded, watching my face.
I turned back to the computer and informed her, "I am deactivating your account, and then we're going to have a conversation about online safety AGAIN."
"It doesn't even matter," she huffed. "No one even contacted me. Not one person!"
I looked at her profile and tried to keep a straight face. "Well, it says here you're 6 feet, 6 inches tall. And a fan of Justin Bieber." I think there was something else on there about liking unicorns too. No wonder she wasn't getting any responses. I was having a difficult time trying to appear STERN and ANGRY, while keeping from laughing. She spun around and left, embarrassed and angry at me.
It reminded me of a few years ago, when my oldest daughter had set up multiple email accounts before I knew about it. She was around 9 years old, and discovered she could give herself any moniker she chose. I was going through each one and found one we needed to "discuss."
"Um, Frankie....?"
"Yeah Mom?"
"We're getting rid of this one. You are far too young to have a yahoo account for 'Super Hottie.'"
She rolled her eyes. "Fine."
"Besides," I told her, feeling the need to point out her grammatical error. "You misspelled it. You put in an extra letter 'p', so it actually says Supper Hottie. Like the dinner. You little tator tot hotdish, you..."
She glared and left.
I wish I could just slow down time and make my kids realize they don't have to grow up so fast. They have their entire lives ahead of them. I want them to enjoy being kids, and not worry about getting attention from boys. It's hard to do, though, with their constant exposure to songs on the radio and reality tv. I can make sure they're involved in sports and horses, but its not going to stop them from wanting to appear older and more sophisticated.
I found a picture of them from about a year and a half ago. I love it for many reasons. One, because they weren't fighting and were actually showing each other affection without a bribe. I also love it because I will always remember them at this age, when they're still kids.
Later on tonight I will bring them to the carnival for River Falls Days. And hopefully someone will still want to hold my hand. Maybe even my little Supper Hottie or almost 7 foot tall unicorn-loving Justin Bieber fan...
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