Super Hero Sniffers

I am constantly amazed at my kids' ability to sniff out a source of food, usually on my breath. They can be walking by, not even paying any attention to me, and instantly stop. They'll slowly turn around, level me with a gaze (cue the Clint Eastwood music) and ask: "What are you eating Mom? I smell something."
This morning I got home from the gym and decided to reward myself with a handful of Doritos. After I was done, I carefully (aka quietly) folded the bag back and put it in its hiding spot. Thirty seconds later Wyatt padded into the kitchen. "I smell something," he said with an accusing look in his eye. "Really?" I asked him. "Like what?"
"Well, not like a cupcake, something else." He held his arms up in the air and said, "Pick me up." I hoisted him up and he took a whiff. "You know what I smell, Mom? I smell Doritos!! I knew it!" Busted.
One time about a year ago my daughter was sitting next to me on the couch. I had popped a truffle in my mouth about 5 minutes earlier. All of a sudden she turned to me and inhaled. She crawled up on my lap and demanded, "What is (sniff) that on your breath? (sniff) Is that (sniff sniff) CHOCOLATE??!" I don't think a bloodhound could have tracked down an escaped prisoner faster than Chloe determined what I had eaten.
They're very selective about what scents they acknowledge, though. They'll claim they didn't notice the steaming pile of dog crap less than two feet away. "Really?" I'll ask them. "You didn't smell that?"
"No!" they'll assure me. They do this thing when they're lying and trying to convince me of their innocence. They open their eyes super wide, so they all look like a bunch of Little Orphan Annie cartoon characters in front of me. The wider the eyes, the bigger the lie.
A couple years ago a friend of mine, we'll call her "Molly", picked me up to go to a movie. Within three minutes I realized she was smashed. It was confirmed when we sat down in the theater and she opened up her purse and said, "Look what I just bought!" It was a tiny miniature pinscher puppy, about the size of can of Coke. She placed the puppy on her chest, then promptly passed out for the rest of the movie. I spent the rest of the movie trying to make sure the dog didn't bark or slide off my friend and hit the floor. After the movie my friend drove me home (still pretty buzzed; I should have taken a cab.) She walked in my house to show my kids the puppy.
At the time, a friend of ours was living in our basement. Her name was Amy, and she was a blast. Still is. Amy was in her early 20's at the time and bartending and living the single girl life. My girls thought she was the coolest thing ever. Anyway, this one evening with the puppy Molly leaned toward Chloe (who was about 4) and grabbed her face and said, "You know what? I think you are the Cutest. Thing. Ever."
Chloe looked at her and replied, "You know what? Your breath smells like Amy."
Poor Amy. We still laugh about that and use that tagline when one of us has had too much to drink. "Dude, we gotta go home. Your breath is starting to smell like Amy." Thank god Amy is a good sport and laughs whenever we bring up this story.
So my children have years of experience honing their scentabilites. One time I heard this comedian talk about "Dad breath." He described it as "a cross between bad luncheon meat and bus exhaust." My kids will be quick to point out if they're not happy with my breath, either. "Gosh, Mom... is that Red Bull? Ewww!" For some reason they think that is the grossest smell ever.
"Oh yeah?" I'll respond. "You don't know how good you kids have it. Back in the 70's all the moms' breaths would smell like Merit cigarettes and Tab."
They of course just roll their eyes. And quickly lean forward to inhale. Just in case I recently devoured a Little Debbie snack cake.